If I Give In
by insert witty
Summary: A taito... Matt wants to end it all because of several things. What'll happen? This is a really bad description, but plz read it anyway! (+Thanks to Teti, this fic actually has a name now^__^) *finished*
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I dunno about the rating of this story… Is PG13 enough or should this be R? Plus, if you've got an idea for a name to this ficcie, please write it in your review!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Digimon. Zilch. Zero. Nada. Inget. Nuthin' at all.

[Flaskback] 

"I can't believe this! Why are you going out again? Why can't you see your friends some other time when I don't have to go to work?" Mr Ishida shouted angrily, throwing his arms up in the air as to empathize his sentences even more.

"Why can't you work when I don't have to see my friends?" Mrs Ishida shot back, just as heatedly.

"This family needs its money, that's why!"

"This was _not_ what I desired when I married you, Masaharu!"  
"Well, this is real life, not some kind of school-girl-dream." Mr Ishida said quietly, almost threatening.

"Umm… excuse me…" a rather high-pitched voice from the kitchen door said.

"I want a _life_. Can't you understand that? I don't want to be at home all day and I don't want to be so isolated. I want a job, I want to have a social life, and I want to-" 

"Excuse me…" the small voice said again, this time a bit weaker.

"We. Can't. Afford. It." Mr Ishida let his finger drop into the palm of his open hand four times as he said the words. "Think about the kids. Who would look after them?"

"It's just because you're a man, isn't it? You're a man and I'm a woman." Mrs Ishida stated in that dangerously, faked calm tone that only hides a vast wave of fury. She clenched her teeth together and looked her husband right in the eye.

"Mummy, I need help, I don't know what this is," The little blond boy that stood in the doorway held up a colourful math book, filled with things like "2+4=?" and "7+2=?"

"Yamato, go to your room." was the reply he got. Sighing, Yamato gave his parents a miserable glance before turning around and walking back into his bedroom, shoulders slumping.

He reached up to the handle and opened the door when he heard his other say something more out in the kitchen.  
"What did you call me!?"  
"Bastard! Bastard, bastard, bastard! God, I hate you!" The sound of his mother's half crying voice could still reach him, as could his father's.

"I will not allow _anyone_ calling me _anything_ like that under my roof, you hear that Natsuko?"

"Our roof, our! I can't live like this,"

Mr Ishida said something that Yamato could make out.

"That's it, Masaharu! In two weeks I'm out of here, forever."  
"You want a divorce? Well, that's fine with me!"

"Did I say two weeks? Scratch that, _one_ week," Mrs Ishida screamed. "And I'm taking the kids with me,"

"Wha-No way. Those are mine kids as well as yours."

"Then I'm taking Takeru,"

"What if I want Takeru?"

Yamato bit his under lip to keep it from quivering, and he silently hurried himself into the bedroom he shared with his younger brother, closing the door safely behind him.

Squeezing his blue eyes shut, he felt tears well up in them and he let his body drop slowly and limply to the floor. He hid his head under his arms, not allowing the sound of his sobs to reach anywhere but to his own ears.

[End of Flashback]

*about 10 years later*

The knife's sharp blade glimmered in the ashen light of the moon and stars outside the window. Yamato's under lip quivered, but this time he didn't bite it to prevent it from doing so. He was alone anyway. His dad had gone on a business trip to Tokyo. 

It wasn't the horrible memories of his parents' fights or the self-loathing that had made him come to this conclusion though. It was his love that had been the final grain of rise that tipped the scale.  
  


  
[Flashback]

He wasn't out of breath, yet his breathing came in short puffs. Hundreds of small voices inside of his head whispered, taunted and hissed at him, telling him all his faults and weaknesses. How foolish and worthless he was. Never, ever, would the person he wanted love him back. Taichi… _Impossible!, _the voices derided.

All the months of self-criticism and –hatred had finally taken out their toll on him.

Hot tears pricked his eyesight as he almost frantically tied his winter shoes on, his hands so badly shaking that it was hard to make a knot of the shoelaces' loose ends.

When he had finally managed to get the shoes on properly, he put on a jacket and went out in the freezing exterior landscape.

It was a beautiful early evening, the pure white snow almost reaching up to his knees, but Yamato didn't, or maybe couldn't, notice.

He grabbed the snow-shovel that was placed in an upright position in a mound of snow. He just had to do something to make the voices stop and get his mind off… his love. The love that was impossible and as some people also thought, forbidden.

Letting out a small, frustrated hiss, he started shovelling the heavy snow, making his way around the building. No one was out, not even any cars were driving down the street, and Yamato was thankful for that. He didn't want anyone to see how pathetic he was.

He shovelled until the sky had darkened to a deep blue colour and his back was screaming for him to stop. The tears that had managed to roll down his cheeks had turned to ice.

[End of Flashback]

"I'm sorry," he whispered to everyone, everything and the emptiness of the room he was standing in. He put the knife against the pale skin of his wrist…  
  


TBC…

A/N: Sooo… what do you think? *twiddles her thumbs nervously* You want me to continue? 


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!    There's gonna be some swearing in this chapter, and I hope you don't mind…

Chapter Two:

He put the knife against the pale skin of his wrist. Yamato closed his eyes and his grip around the pointed object tightened until his knuckles had turned white.

Past memories swirled in his mind and mixed together until they just became a confusing jumble of buzzing noises and drones. The sounds grew louder and louder until the only thing he could focus on was the feeling of the cold steel pressed to his wrist. Becoming strangely aware of his heartbeats, the steady pulse seemed to strengthen as the seconds crept by.

Then the creaking of the front door opening reached his ears. _Shit._ He hadn't locked the door, and the only one who would think of just walking right into the apartment without at least knocking at first was…

"Hello~oo? Yama, you home?"

Taichi.

It was if a cold hand made out of ice gripped Yamato's heart. Why had Taichi chosen _this_ time to pay a visit?

'No,' Yamato wanted to answer, but of course, he didn't. Instead, he flinched at a loud noise of something crashing to the floor and accidentally dropped the knife.

When Taichi heard the sound of the knife landing from around the corner of the wall, he figured that Yamato probably was in the living room. A nervous feeling settled in his stomach as he peeked into the dark room. Why hadn't Yamato turned the lights on?

"Yamat… What?" He let out a startled gasp as he saw the deathly sharp kitchen knife's blade gleam in a dim flicker of brightness from the moon outside and then looked into the blond boy's eyes. So dismal… almost as if they were broken. "What…?" Taichi repeated, not seeming to be able to choke the whole question out, or just being too speechless for the moment to utter any words at all.

Yamato clenched his teeth together, his brain not knowing what to neither think nor do or say. Finally, after a small number of short seconds, which had felt like one hour each, he managed to get his body moving. He stalked out of the living room, passing Taichi, and then going into the kitchen. Taichi hurried to follow him.

"What… What were you doing," he pressed out, eyeing Yamato as the other boy searched the cupboards after something, "with that knife?"

"What the… what the fuck do you think?" Yamato spat, big, crystal-like tears welling in his azure eyes.

Taichi started to take a few steps towards his friend, reaching out a hand.

"No! No, don't… come any closer to me,"

"But…"

"No, please… Don't," Yamato at length found the thing he had been seeking, and pulled out a bottle of pills from the cupboard. "I'll take 'em. If you get any closer I'll take 'em," he said, unsuccessfully trying to hide the waver in his voice.

The sound of Yamato's fingers opening the brown bottle broke the desperate silence afterwards.

"You said you wouldn't!" Taichi yelled, panic clearly showing in his tone. But to his relief, the blonde at least let the now-open-bottle be in his hand. His eyes were fixed intently on Taichi, almost digging into his, Taichi's, own brown ones. It was like if he had him under a spell. A feeling he had become used to over the past months. The feeling that had brought him here to this apartment in the first place.

"Why did you come here?" Yamato questioned, his voice barely audible, and as if he had read the other boy's mind. 

Breaking the stare, Taichi gazed down on his feet. "I-I…" he hesitated.

He had to say it!

Not noticing the tremble that had taken over Yamato's body, Taichi opened his mouth once again. "I… lo… was worried… about you," He bit his tongue. Hard. 

He had to say it, damnit! _Coward_. 

Obviously not thinking straight, he took a step forward. Yamato scrambled backwards, away from the other boy, but not before Taichi got a glimpse of the bottle's label. He felt like bursting out laughing, or crying, which one, he didn't know, but it was a relived feeling. He took yet another step forward, keeping his movements slow, not wanting to scare or surprise Yamato. 

But quickly rushing past his friend, Yamato and Taichi for a second time found themselves in different corners of the kitchen, Yamato by the cupboard he had been searching through before, and Taichi by the fridge. 

"I told you not to come any closer," Yamato's grip around the bottle tightened until his knuckles had turned white. 

"Yama," Taichi said gently. "That wont work." 

Confusion. 

"What do you mean?" 

Taichi moved a little bit closer.

"I'll take them!"

"Nothing will happen."

"Why?"

"Nothing will happen." Taichi repeated.

Yamato looked down on the bottle. He had taken the wrong one. This one wasn't his father's sleeping-tablets. He threw it into the cupboard again, and then found the right one, an about identical brown bottle, which had been placed in the back, behind some other things.

Taichi's face filled with fear once again. "No, Yama! Why are you doing this?"

_Why?_ He couldn't tell him that. He couldn't! 'Taichi, you're the main reason, actually,' No way! Never.

"Why are you doing his to me!?" Taichi screamed. He hadn't mean for it to come out as a scream, but it had. 

A sort of tightening wrapped itself around Yamato's heart. It made him feel like if it was hard to breathe and sent shivers down his spine. "I'm sorry," he said, bowing his head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Shhh, Yama," Taichi tried, not daring to come any closer. He closed his eyes, willing the tears away. _It's now or never, I guess_, he thought. "I love you, Yamato,"

Yamato didn't answer and Taichi almost wondered if he had said anything at all.

"Yamato, I love you. That's why I came here."

This time, he heard something. A whisper.

"No… no, no, no…no…" it kept saying. The bottle of sleeping tablets fell out of Yamato's hand and hit the floor, breaking, and sending all of the pills across the carpet and linoleum. Yamato, himself, collapsed to the floor as well, not seeming to notice the shards of glass around him. His eyes were burning with hot tears and he hid his face in his hands.

"It's okay, Yama…" Taichi carefully approached him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Can you forgive me?" He wrapped his arms around the shivering boy's body. A muffled "I love you," and a nod against his chest was the answer he got.

Yamato let sank into the soothing embrace and used his arms to add to it. He felt a soft kiss on his tear streaked cheek and Taichi rested his chin in his golden hair.

"Can you stay with me?"

"I'll never leave."

A/N: Ugh… kinda rushed, I know… But anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!

/ThatGirl


End file.
